


I Don’t Need Anything More for Christmas Than This Right Here

by sprookjes



Series: Zoenne's Christmases [1]
Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: F/M, Longing, They deserved to spend Christmas together!!!, They were flatmates!, p@in, tenderness ;-;
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:49:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21938503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sprookjes/pseuds/sprookjes
Summary: Where they’re broken up but are still flatmates and will have to spend Christmas Eve alone, together.
Relationships: Zoë Loockx/Senne De Smet
Series: Zoenne's Christmases [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069856
Comments: 7
Kudos: 44





	I Don’t Need Anything More for Christmas Than This Right Here

**Author's Note:**

> I wish I could be writing them a fluffy Christmas and I probably will once I write my alternate version of the past 6 months... but for now I thought it would be better to write this one with what canon gave us (misery, utter despair?) and make the best I could out of it. (Not much.) I started writing it pretty late since I like to rewrite my fics for at least 10 days until I feel it's okay to post them and this one is 3 or 4 days old, so you should know there’s a better version of this fic still sleeping somewhere inside my head. This is for everyone that wished s3 had been kinder to them and to us (aka coherent), I hope this comforts you, somehow. Happy holidays, babes. X

Zoë felt her chest tightening at every word Milan spoke. She couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Milan?!”

  
“What? Zoë, we can’t leave him living in the streets!”

  
“Don’t say it like that.”

  
“It’s true! His friends are out of town, he has nowhere to go now; Lisa’s room, I mean, _my_ old room is empty...”

Milan made a dramatic pause.

“But if you want I can talk to him and...”

“No. Of course he can stay.”

Zoë said, feeling like the worst person ever for not agreeing since the first moment.

“Milan...”

  
“Yes?”

  
“Nothing.”

Zoë was trying her best, to lie to herself, to lie to others, to sound sure of what she was doing. She had to convince them this was going to be better for everyone. It didn't feel like it, but this was the most rational decision she could have made, so feelings shouldn't count.

Senne would soon be happy. He was finally free of the burden she had become in the past couple of months, of her bitterness, of her sadness. He would go back to being the confident guy he’d always been and not this worried stressed mess that was so often miserable around her.  
She wouldn’t resent him for not being around or for being too stubborn to listen when she told him to forget about... It was easier to bury that subject. And everything else that reminded her of it. Some day soon it would stop hurting. Some day soon it would stop haunting her dreams. It had to stop. 

It was for their own good. He would thank her later, she was sure of it. They’d cross paths again in the future and he’d be happy and she would see she made the right choice.

Senne's things were still in their—her—bedroom, the only thing he had taken with him the day he left was a backpack with a few changes of clothes. She didn’t really know where he had spent the past few days and she was trying not to think about that. Not to think about anything else. Not thinking worked out fine. 

The fact that she would have to live with him as a flat mate for a while now... that was unsettling. How could she deal with that? How not to think of him while having to keep on sharing the same apartment with him?

It hurt to look at him. It had been hurting for a while.

The sight of him with tears in his eyes wouldn’t leave her mind, it was always in the back of her head even if she was focused on not thinking, just like when she was meditating and thoughts kept showing up to distract her. She was good at letting the thoughts go, but _that_ moment, _that_ image... it just... it wouldn't disappear, no matter how hard she tried to ignore it.

It took all of her strength, that moment. To not hug, to not say they could try again. To stop fighting for him. To let him go.

All she really wanted was to be able to go back in time and never have gone to his place that night... everything would have been so different.  
They would have made up once he got back from the seaside.  
They could have been happy. Normal. But that was just a silly wish. It would never come true.

***

It was 5AM, Zoë had just woken up. She didn’t even think someone could be there in the kitchen at a time like this, but oh. There he was, cup of coffee in his hand, it was almost as if he had never left, as if that conversation had never existed. But then it wasn't. Then it was like that time months ago at the café. She wanted to turn her back and leave, he wanted to disappear so he wouldn’t see her wanting to leave.  
He was about to get up to go.

“No. Stay. I’m just here for some water.”

She always needed more water. Some days he would get her an extra glass so she wouldn't have to get up in the middle of the night.

Her feet seemed glued to the floor.

“It won’t take long until I find a place.”

He said to her back, in a weak tone. She was still looking at the open fridge. What did she want again?

Her heart hurt. It was getting harder to breathe.

“I don’t...”

He felt hopeful for a second. Maybe she would say “I don’t want you to go”.

“I don’t mind, really.”

She forced those words out.

“You can stay as long as you need.”

Zoë finally took a bottle of water and left without looking back.

Senne thought about spending as much time as he could out of the house but he physically couldn’t bring himself to do it right now. He wanted to stay down so he wouldn’t fall again. Except he felt like he was falling and falling over and over again. He never knew something could hurt as much as when Viktor told him he had slept with Zoë but here he was, feeling like his body was being dismembered. He shouldn’t be drinking coffee at 5am. He couldn’t sleep either way and his mind was already racing so fuck it, maybe coffee would wake him up from this nightmare. Or it would wake his mind up and make it finally understand it was over. That she didn’t want him anymore.

Instead, he just thought of going back to her. He just wanted to be with her. Be with her and make it work again. He would try harder, he wanted to be better for her. Without her... what was the point?

Being in this apartment for longer would be hell. Hoping was hell. It was still better than imagining a future without her in it.

***

Milan knocked on Senne’s bedroom door at 2PM.

“Hey. Are you still sleeping?”

  
“Yes.” Senne grunted.

  
“Are you hungover?”

  
“No?”

  
“Okay, if you need, I have...”

  
“I’m fine, Milan.”

  
“So I see...”

Milan didn’t know what to do. He was so taken aback when he heard the news. Zoë hadn’t said anything to him, he didn’t see it coming. He knew things weren’t perfect at the moment but that just didn’t feel like something Zoë would do. Maybe the frightened and stubborn Zoë from months ago that couldn’t bear to admit her feelings not even to herself, but this one? Yes, she was as stubborn as before and on top of everything she was still going through A LOT of shit but she really, really loved that boy. Milan couldn't explain but he could feel it, their love. He insisted a couple or... let's be real, he insisted a dozen of times, but Zoë didn’t want to open up about it; every time he asked about it she'd put on an “I’m okay” face that would have convinced people that didn’t know her well, but not him. She wanted to seem busy whenever he brought the subject up and that was a clear sign that if they talked, she wouldn't give anything away. Zoë had been doing so many things these days he feared she would collapse at any minute now. At least today she was only baking. 

With Senne... Milan was afraid to try. He wasn’t quite ready to see Senne crying. So the only thing he did was convince him to come back home until he found a new place to stay. He wished he wouldn't need to, that the both of them would end up sorting things out.

It hurt to see his two friends in pain when it was so obvious to him the only way to cure that would be working through it together.

“Hey, as you know, I’m gonna be away for the next few days and...”

That woke Senne up.

“What? When are you going?”

“Hm, today?! Remember that end of the year trip I couldn’t shut up about?”

“Oh.”

“Yes.”

“That guy, what’s his name again? Carl is still going?”

Milan didn’t want to rub it in his face...

“Yeah... I think I might have a chance.”

Senne gave him a half smile.

“Good luck.”

“If you need... call me. I'll be checking on you kids but not much, ok?”

Senne put his pillow over his head once Milan shut the door.

That was just great.

He’d be alone for days with Zoë, except he was no longer together with Zoë. That wouldn’t be heartbreaking at all.

***

Jana had invited Zoë to spend Christmas Eve at her house but really, Zoë hadn't thought for even a second of accepting the invite.  
She decided to bake some cookies for Jana and her mom as a way of thanking them for it. It occupied her mind and made people happy, what could be better than that?

They had tea together and the two of them did love Zoë’s cookies. Jana’s relatives were beginning to arrive when Zoë decided it was time to go.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna stay?”

  
“Yeah...”

  
“Really sure?”

  
“Really.”

They hugged and Jana felt like doing something to help but Zoë just seemed to have built a wall around herself. You couldn’t really reach her when she acted like that.

***

Senne was lying in the couch with the TV on, How the Grinch Stole Christmas was starting and he immediately felt like that would be him in the future. He hated Christmas. Apart from the food and drinks there wasn’t much to like about it.

In his family, Christmas had died with Amelie.

He always got money as a present. He always spent it in things that didn’t last.

He had bought two bottles of gin and he would drink them while watching this movie and then pass out on his new bed—which he hated too, it wasn’t soft enough, it wasn’t warm enough, it was too big, too empty.

That’s when he heard the door.

He really thought she would be out for the night.

She didn’t think he would be home, either.

Why wasn’t he out with his buddies? Oh yeah, on Christmas everybody is with... family.

“Hey.”

“Hey. I thought...”

He didn’t finish his sentence. She couldn't stand the awkward silence. 

“I went to Jana’s but didn’t feel like staying for dinner and the...”

"Celebrations?"

  
She rolled her eyes and nodded, feeling weird. Why was she telling him where she had been? Try to act normal, Zoë. If he didn’t look at her like this, it would help. Stop staring, please. He did. It hurt to look at her, too. Too much.

She saw the bottles. They were still unopened.

It reminded her of alcohol free gin tonics rather than shots of gin tonics that she did drink on that terrible night.

His attention went back to the TV and she could finally take a proper look at him, which she regretted, because he looked awful. Dark circles under his eyes. He hadn’t shaved in at least 4 days...  
He should be getting better soon, but until then... Until then what?

She couldn’t just leave him like this on Christmas Eve.

“What are you watching?”

She said, trying to sound normal, sitting on the other couch, something that surprised him.

He raised his head from the pillow a bit.

“The Grinch.”

She looked down and half smiled.

“Can relate to him a lot, so far."

She began watching it too and when The Grinch called his dog Max she couldn't help but to laugh out loud. 

"What?"

"Nothing, sorry."

It took him a few moments to understand but he did when The Grinch yelled ''Max!" again.

"Ah. Very funny."

He didn't want to admit it but it was indeed kind of funny.

A million thoughts were crossing through her mind.

“I despise Christmas Eve, too.”

She felt like sharing that information.

“My parents were always too busy to care, we were always moving, so, always in a new country, no family around... always something more important to do instead of caring about this kind of thing. I tried to give them presents I made... drawings, collages, that kind of stuff... it was always..."Such a silly thing, Zoë!" They never treated it like a special occasion or anything.”

“But you did.”

“Well... I shouldn’t have. I think I was just trying to make them care too. And now... it's...”

“I heard there was a Christmas party around here”, he said a bit sarcastically while sitting up.

“It’s not the same thing. You must know.”

 _It’s about family_ , she wanted to say. He knew what she wanted to say.

"After a while I just became averse to it. To this night in particular."

“Yeah. I hate Christmas entirely.” he said, not offering any more details. But she could imagine why.

"I’m just like _that_ guy." He pointed to the Grinch on TV and Zoë smiled looking at the green character.

She knew pretty well he kind of was like The Grinch.

"You've never watched the whole movie, have you?"

"Nope."

She was biting her lower lip, trying to come up with something.

“Are you hungry? We have salad _and_ cookies. They aren’t as good as the ones I baked for Jana’s mom but they’re pretty decent... even though I'd say some are a bit over baked... There are chocolate ones...”

She knew he had a weakness for chocolate ones.

He hadn’t felt hungry in days, or at least he hadn’t felt like eating. Until this moment.

“I can set the table. This table?” He said, pointing at the living room table.

She remembered how depressed she felt looking at the kitchen table now.

“Definitely.”

He brought the glasses to the table and saw she had grabbed the bottle of alcohol free gin tonic from the fridge. Milan used to pick on her because of that before he knew why she still bought them. To him it was a waste of money, but after she explained everything, he never mocked her again.

Senne looked at the bottle in her hand and decided to put the other two in the fridge.

Today he was going to drink with her, to not get drunk. He prepared the drinks while she was busy with the salad.

Senne was devouring it, she looked at him weirdly just to make fun of him, even though she was pleased.

"Ok, now I really see The Grinch."

“It’s delicious.” 

“Stop, it’s just salad.”

  
“Your salads are never “just salads”, I don’t know how you put so many vegetables together and spices and make them taste like this. I mean, you even put _avocado_ on it and it still tastes amazing.”

  
“Vegan magic.”

  
She shrugged, smiling a bit. 

They were eating cookies and watching the end of the movie, that's when the little girl's father says “I don’t need anything more for Christmas than this right here: my family."

Their eyes met the second Mr. Lou finished his sentence. They didn't have to say anything, it was so obvious both of them felt the same thing. That _this_ was what they had never had before. Even full of heartbreak and flaws, this was the first time in forever that Chritmas Eve felt real, that it felt like being around... family.

***

The Nightmare Before Christmas was on next and Zoë loved that one, he had never watched it but he trusted her taste in movies, he always ended up loving most of the animations she made him watch with her. She was always wanting Senne to pay attention to _THAT_ moment and her excitement made him happy. It was almost like being together again, except they’d be cuddling in one of those couches, not sitting separately. The distance was unfamiliar.

She didn’t want to leave and go to her room once the movie was over, she didn't want it to end, this break from reality. 

He didn’t want her to leave to their—her room, he didn’t want to lose her again.

Suddenly he got up and left the living room, she didn’t understand why, she hadn’t said anything bad and the movie wasn't over yet, he would miss one of the best parts.  
  


“I've got something for you.”

He said, coming back with a little package in his hand.

“You didn’t have to...”

She sat down and opened it, there was a tiny red box inside.

It was a ring, a delicate silver band with a tiny red heart-shaped stone in it.

She couldn’t help letting a tear escape the corner of her right eye, she hoped he wouldn’t notice. It reminded her of the day she gave him the heart chain with the key... the key to his new home, her new home with her. Stop thinking, stop thinking. 

“It’s nothing, I just know you love rings... I was going to give you that art book you wanted but I couldn't find it at the bookstore I went and it was too late to order online, it wouldn't arrive in time for Christmas, then I saw this ring and...”

He was babbling, fearing what she was going to say. She wanted to make a joke... say The Grinch must have been in a good mood or something but that would be so lame.

“It isn’t nothing.”, she finally said, telling the truth.

She wanted to tell him she couldn’t accept it but also... she really wanted to keep it. 

“It’s beautiful.”

“Seriously, did you like it?”

  
“Sure. I loved it. Thank you.”

She put the ring back in the box. Didn’t even try it on. She wanted to run away. Far away from things she couldn't get rid of since they lived inside of her. Those feelings, why did they have to be so strong?

  
He wanted to understand what was happening inside her head. Why was she doing this? He could feel the pain in her voice breaking when she realized she used the word ''loved'' to describe how she felt about the ring. Was life with him so bad that she preferred to feel like this?

A few minutes after the movie ended, he stood up and said he was going to bed.

He almost left without saying anything but in the last second he turned back.

“Merry Christmas, Zoë.”

“Merry Christmas, Senne.”

She said, almost in a whisper.

If she tried to speak a single extra word now she was pretty sure she would start weeping.

Zoë went to ~her~ room and fell in bed hugging blanket, she cried for an hour debating whether or not she should...

She got up, opened the third drawer of her dresser and picked the package she had been hiding there.

Then she wrote him a note. 

I know this isn’t fair and it might be the shittiest present ever, but I’ve worked on it for months, even if now is not the right time, I hope one day you’ll be able to look at it and smile, because the happiest I’ve been this year is inside of this little scrapbook. It was with you. This is our story.

Z

She left it outside his door.

When he woke up and saw that note, he couldn’t quite bring himself to look at the scrapbook itself.

He just wanted to tell her the happiest he’s ever been was with her.

He was going to, actually, but when he got to her door, it was half opened and she wasn't there anymore. She had already left.

* To Be Continued *


End file.
